For me, I think love comes out of the place where self-hatred and shame are located.
Before I expand on this and explain the reason for this blog, just want to quickly introduce myself :
When I was 11 I was sent to a boarding school in Portsmouth in the UK by my parents. They were back home in Hong Kong and the language I spoke was completely different from everyone around me. I was one of only two Chinese students in my year. I felt alone and in many ways different from everybody else. I had spent about 8 years at that school not having someone that I feel would understand what I was going through. I was very unaware of how I was feeling. It took years of self-doubt, self-hatred, loneliness and pain for me to start becoming to understand what was going on in my head and getting to know myself better day by day.
To those of you who are reading this, if you are going through something similar and not sure how to put your feelings into words, I want you to know that even though you might feel alone sometimes, you are NOT really alone. We share the same feeling - we want to be loved; we want to be looked at in the eye and feel like we belong in this world, not better or less than anyone else. We feel the same, and in turn, we are connected through and united by this alienating and painful feeling.
I want this blog to be a safe space where we can talk about things that hurt us, memories that haunt us, things about ourselves that we are ashamed of. No matter where you are, what languages you speak, whatever your age, with or without money, whatever colour or sexual identity, WE are just as valuable and vital as anyone that had walked and is walking on this Earth.
When I didn't feel safe enough to talk to anyone about my feelings, art was the only thing I felt most connected to. I would use it as an outlet to express myself and my thoughts. I used my pain, self-hatred and my anxieties as fuels to create art. I believe that this process has helped me become more understanding of others and I feel more compassionate and happier as a person. This still rings true to this day.
Approaching 27 next month, I feel a strong sense of responsibility for people and things around me. Whatever I do, whoever I may encounter, it has an impact no matter what. I want to use this platform to bring people together - people from all walks of life - to share our knowledge, stories, poetries, art and music. Essentially anyone who harness their pains (or would like to) to create beautiful and profound things. Perhaps this exchange and continuous exploration of pain and love can help us heal each other.
I might not know you but I know the feeling of pain. Maybe that's enough for us to know that we are intrinsically connected as people, and perhaps this is the reason why we have the capacity to love.
This is the reason why I created this blog and I hope that you'd join me on this journey to find self-love and compassion.